Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Unusual company

It was unusually a dull day. Not for me but for everyone else. At least for those I could think of. No blue sky, no sunshine, no warmth nothing of a bright day. It was raining. And that is not less than a very beautiful day for me. I was unusually in my furtive mood. Feeling myself. Loving myself.

Rain and a cup of coffee. That’s another ultimate pleasure to me. I wanted a company. Not for a lifetime but for a coffee. He likes chocolate drinks. He only likes and only takes chocolate drinks. Hot milky chocolate drinks.

Sitting on the kitchen table through the windows he looked up; at the sky and then at me.

He took a sip; of the drink and then my love.

I knew he had fallen in love already; with the drink and with the sky.

Finally found the company I was looking for. Not for a coffee but for a lifetime.

The smell of melted chocolate.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

White Pillows

She sat on the corner of the bed resting her head against the wall. Her hair lustrous & thick fell on the white cushion looking amazingly beautiful. Lost in some deep thought she was tapping fingers to an imaginary melody.

Lunch was kept untouched on the table. She sat lonely for some more time listening to her imagination.

“Last time I made him a curry of canned fish, he had it all out of love for me. I think he didn’t want to hurt me. He only said that it was not the right way to be cooked and that it could taste better.” She told me with little miserable attitude.

She wanted to tell him that she had cooked it with much care this time and she was sure that he will love it. I could read her thoughts.

All I told tell her was how to add the right spices in right amount.

One tea spoon of coriander powder
Half a tea spoon of chilli powder
Little of Turmeric
And lots of love.

She waited eagerly for the night to come. For him to come.

It was 10 minutes past 9o’clock. He slept gracefully in the closed room. Had she woked him up the silence of the house would break into a lot of 'No!'s

She didn't. Just like her sleeping emotions of love. The other side of love. The lusty love. She walked around picking the fallen pillows from the floor, putting them back on the bed.

Just a sign of love please. 'No!'. She slept without a smile.

Toe rings, her favorites ones were found under his pillows the next morning.

Under the White Pillows of love...

Bright in darkness

Last night was a horrible trance. I did not sleep a bit. I waited for the needle to pass 9 on the clock so I could lie on bed and struggle for some sleep.

The room was bright in darkness. Despite the dark blue curtains the street lights did easily pierce through into the room and I could see everything just like in daylight. He was in deep sleep I guess. I heard him mumble through out the night. He moved from his right and left, breathing heavily occasionally. This along with my body ache, shutting down my eyes became impossible for quite a long time. I knew he was not comfortable. I thought it was too cold for him which made me switch off the Air conditioner. After a while he again conveyed some discomfort. I was forced to switch on the cooler again.

I slept off soon after that. All I remember was I woke to feel him beside me. Like a baby he had moved over to me for some warmth- probably. I forgot all my pains-physical and mental. He looked very innocent and it was very difficult for me to believe that he doesn’t love me.

On and off the sleep journey I saw a lot of dreams. I wish life was just another dream.

I wish it was all a dream.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

A letter to sister

Dear Sister,

I wanted to inform you that I was completely sick last day. I had a severe head ache and vomiting. The day before yesterday I did not take any food for dinner and slept off. Yesterday morning I went through all what I thought I would never have to face again. I started having head ache and tried to sleep for a while. But couldn’t sleep and felt that my head was spinning. I called up office to say that I am feeling sick and I cannot work that day. After that I tried to get some sleep lying on the bed turning to my right and my left continuously. Nothing helped till I slept off for an hour or two I do not remember clearly.

My headache was getting serious as I felt I could no more take the pain. Some very odd thoughts started coming to mind. I could see myself in our old home at RAK. I suppose it was a Friday afternoon I was thinking of because Amma was cooking something special and Achan was at home only. It was too hot as I was hopping through the verandah to reach our bedroom from the drawing room. We were all eagerly waiting for the lunch to be served. It was fun and we all had smiles on our faces.

I saw this like a dream to wake up and realize that I was about to die. It was weird but I felt it. The pain in my head was unbearable. I went to my neighbor to tell that I wanted to be taken to the hospital. I was taken to the hospital and given injection and glucose.

Now I am feeling better. I opted not to rest today at home but to work. Resting means sitting at home and thinking of lot many things which would ultimately make me feel all the more sick.

Between Amma is coming this Sunday.

I hope things are fine at your end. I sincerely hope that you are happy and leading a good life with your lovely two kids and your husband.

Yours truly,


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A rare afternoon of a rare winter

Yes actually! My brains can think better. I can write better eventually. Time is a real factor and energy too. Seriously! I really wish I could engage myself in something I am desperately interested. My interests are a lot but I love to stick to one thing I love to do always. I cannot let go it be whatever my life. Be that the job I do is least of my interest. Be that the field I chose for Bachelors is least of my interest. Be whatever I do and I get is least of my interest but a little part of me dies to see myself doing what I love the most. And I do not wish that this little bit of me lose its self satisfying joy any a time in my life.

‘Stay at home. You don’t need to work.’ And the only positive thought that struck me was books. The books that carry the smell of knowledge. The books that I still wish to read. The choices that all think are weird. Or maybe not all. The bottom less depth of the language. Gasping I would still dive deeper into world of words. I love to catch myself secretly searching for that something philosophical I might want to comprehend over and over again. Secretly only!

The some bit of me I told you about probably is this. A library of ‘weird choices’ I believe that only I love in some corner of my home, a room filled with the smell of books, a lovely dream open in my hands that I would care much not to crumble the pages, a soft couch, a rare afternoon of a rare winter, cloudy sky like my romantic mind and the beautiful drops of rain through the window-the sight and the feel equally special to me.

If ‘Follow your heart’ meant this then my life would be complete.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

For once if...

He loves me passionately. He loves me for what I am not. He plays with his aged dreams to catch the one that equals me. He failed at catching and at matching. They fall hitting hard on the solid ground to break into pieces of what I cannot figure out. Stains of red all over him remind me of the bright colored walls of an imagined room, of an imagined home.

For once if we had thought, there would be none as happy as us for we are the happiest couple with no worries in the world.