All what one could gift his beloved wife was his journal of worthless dreams.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
Promise me
“You will leave me and go. Won’t you?”
He was lying on my lap while I looked into his eyes in silence.
“Promise me you won’t!” He said adamantly like a kid.
I smiled with all my heart and soul.
“Even if I ask you to leave, promise me you won’t even think of leaving me. Let what happen but you will not leave me. Will you?”
“I will never leave you. I promise!” I said with all my heart and soul.
I knew it was a promise to keep. Forever!
I repent today for I should have made him promise that he would never leave me.
Promise me that you will turn back to look at me for once before you leave.
He was lying on my lap while I looked into his eyes in silence.
“Promise me you won’t!” He said adamantly like a kid.
I smiled with all my heart and soul.
“Even if I ask you to leave, promise me you won’t even think of leaving me. Let what happen but you will not leave me. Will you?”
“I will never leave you. I promise!” I said with all my heart and soul.
I knew it was a promise to keep. Forever!
I repent today for I should have made him promise that he would never leave me.
Promise me that you will turn back to look at me for once before you leave.
A bridge to memories
It was the first few days of our marriage. I remember that hot afternoon when we left the windows open of our bedroom, when we only wanted to spend it hugging and loving each other. My head resting on his chest I had told him how much I fancy to travel on a bike.
That evening we went out. He didn’t take me far but I enjoyed it more than anything else.
A ride on a bike with him.
A fascination to hold him proudly with my arms around his waist.
A secret fascination to pass by his ex-love’s house at the end of the street, sitting behind him on a bike and holding him tight.
He fulfilled it with a newly-turned-into-a complete man pride. I thought he could be complete only with my companionship.
It was late enough for darkness to creep. I wanted to enjoy my new excitement for a little longer which made him stop at the near by bridge.
The bridge was also complete. I thought. It had a companion-A river flowing quietly below it.
We stood there holding hands. The bridge shook every time when the cars passed on it. And so did our hands.
“Why does it shake like this?” I asked.
“The bridge is made with little gaps to survive all climates. The gaps make the bridge shake a bit. Don’t worry!”. He said that with the same attitude.
I felt a rare pleasure-the silent river in darkness, the bridge, the island that was brightened up with lights on the opposite side, a unique smell of the land in the winds and the special feeling of love that we had just started to share in every single form possible. It was indeed a memorable feeling.
I wish to cherish the memories of that night today for a reason. Bridges have gaps for a reason.
Our love has to survive for a reason. There are gaps between us for a reason.
That evening we went out. He didn’t take me far but I enjoyed it more than anything else.
A ride on a bike with him.
A fascination to hold him proudly with my arms around his waist.
A secret fascination to pass by his ex-love’s house at the end of the street, sitting behind him on a bike and holding him tight.
He fulfilled it with a newly-turned-into-a complete man pride. I thought he could be complete only with my companionship.
It was late enough for darkness to creep. I wanted to enjoy my new excitement for a little longer which made him stop at the near by bridge.
The bridge was also complete. I thought. It had a companion-A river flowing quietly below it.
We stood there holding hands. The bridge shook every time when the cars passed on it. And so did our hands.
“Why does it shake like this?” I asked.
“The bridge is made with little gaps to survive all climates. The gaps make the bridge shake a bit. Don’t worry!”. He said that with the same attitude.
I felt a rare pleasure-the silent river in darkness, the bridge, the island that was brightened up with lights on the opposite side, a unique smell of the land in the winds and the special feeling of love that we had just started to share in every single form possible. It was indeed a memorable feeling.
I wish to cherish the memories of that night today for a reason. Bridges have gaps for a reason.
Our love has to survive for a reason. There are gaps between us for a reason.
A deserted wait
Waiting is such an annoyance. I hate waiting for something that is universal not to come. I still waited for the rain in the middle of a summer in a sophisticated desert. Just how life has made me wait for ‘the one’ for years of gathering countless emotions, lone in middle of an infinite crowd.
I waited in desperation. Not a drop of it fell on me. Neither love nor rain. The sky had a beauty of sorrow that day.
A wait that I knew would last forever. It was dark all around and I was drenching in middle of the desert.
Drenching only in my own sweat.
I waited in desperation. Not a drop of it fell on me. Neither love nor rain. The sky had a beauty of sorrow that day.
A wait that I knew would last forever. It was dark all around and I was drenching in middle of the desert.
Drenching only in my own sweat.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Violet reflections
The voices were clear but not loud for others to hear. I turn a deaf for them. Let the voices remain between themselves. I stood alone leaning onto the fat pillar of the narrow hall watching the girls talk secretly.
‘What does she think of us? Fools?’
‘She is so so greedy for money you see. I think we should not let her into our gang.’
And many more from many voices. I heard them in silence. Not a deaf anymore. I wish I was never a part of that gang. But I was for a reason that I was born a girl.
Weather is always a key to my mood. Consider my mood is based on the weather or vice-versa, I really do not know that myself. Nor did I ever try to discover.
It was perfect like a beautiful evening sans the sun and the moon. It was not really an evening but a late morning. I was in my favorite color. The color which made me smile every time I saw myself on a reflection. Be it on the glass door of principal’s office, in the round mirrors on Nita’s hand bag from Rajasthan, my round steel Tiffin box, in the rear mirror of Priya’s new pink scooty pep and anything that gave my image. It was merely the feeling of my favorite color on me. The fact was I only wanted to see my face bright for the reason it is that color.
“Wake up you girl!” Dreaming or what?”
“Not really. I was just…”
“Oh ya! We all know. Don’t explain the bits of your no-human-will-understand stuffs.”
I smiled in embarrassment. Not embarrassed because no human could understand but because they caught me right.
“The bondas must be ready at the canteen. Come let’s go!”
The bondas that help us kill the extra time we have. It means 5 minutes to gobble up and 1 hour to chit chat. They walked away asking me to come along.
I stood there till they reached the canteen and started signaling me from there to join them.
Wanting no more to pretend a deaf I turned to walk through the corridor looking at my reflection on the glass windows of the classrooms. Ignoring tempting thoughts of hot and spicy potato bondas I walked towards the college library.
‘What does she think of us? Fools?’
‘She is so so greedy for money you see. I think we should not let her into our gang.’
And many more from many voices. I heard them in silence. Not a deaf anymore. I wish I was never a part of that gang. But I was for a reason that I was born a girl.
Weather is always a key to my mood. Consider my mood is based on the weather or vice-versa, I really do not know that myself. Nor did I ever try to discover.
It was perfect like a beautiful evening sans the sun and the moon. It was not really an evening but a late morning. I was in my favorite color. The color which made me smile every time I saw myself on a reflection. Be it on the glass door of principal’s office, in the round mirrors on Nita’s hand bag from Rajasthan, my round steel Tiffin box, in the rear mirror of Priya’s new pink scooty pep and anything that gave my image. It was merely the feeling of my favorite color on me. The fact was I only wanted to see my face bright for the reason it is that color.
“Wake up you girl!” Dreaming or what?”
“Not really. I was just…”
“Oh ya! We all know. Don’t explain the bits of your no-human-will-understand stuffs.”
I smiled in embarrassment. Not embarrassed because no human could understand but because they caught me right.
“The bondas must be ready at the canteen. Come let’s go!”
The bondas that help us kill the extra time we have. It means 5 minutes to gobble up and 1 hour to chit chat. They walked away asking me to come along.
I stood there till they reached the canteen and started signaling me from there to join them.
Wanting no more to pretend a deaf I turned to walk through the corridor looking at my reflection on the glass windows of the classrooms. Ignoring tempting thoughts of hot and spicy potato bondas I walked towards the college library.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Unusual company
It was unusually a dull day. Not for me but for everyone else. At least for those I could think of. No blue sky, no sunshine, no warmth nothing of a bright day. It was raining. And that is not less than a very beautiful day for me. I was unusually in my furtive mood. Feeling myself. Loving myself.
Rain and a cup of coffee. That’s another ultimate pleasure to me. I wanted a company. Not for a lifetime but for a coffee. He likes chocolate drinks. He only likes and only takes chocolate drinks. Hot milky chocolate drinks.
Sitting on the kitchen table through the windows he looked up; at the sky and then at me.
He took a sip; of the drink and then my love.
I knew he had fallen in love already; with the drink and with the sky.
Finally found the company I was looking for. Not for a coffee but for a lifetime.
Rain and a cup of coffee. That’s another ultimate pleasure to me. I wanted a company. Not for a lifetime but for a coffee. He likes chocolate drinks. He only likes and only takes chocolate drinks. Hot milky chocolate drinks.
Sitting on the kitchen table through the windows he looked up; at the sky and then at me.
He took a sip; of the drink and then my love.
I knew he had fallen in love already; with the drink and with the sky.
Finally found the company I was looking for. Not for a coffee but for a lifetime.
The smell of melted chocolate.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
White Pillows
She sat on the corner of the bed resting her head against the wall. Her hair lustrous & thick fell on the white cushion looking amazingly beautiful. Lost in some deep thought she was tapping fingers to an imaginary melody.
Lunch was kept untouched on the table. She sat lonely for some more time listening to her imagination.
“Last time I made him a curry of canned fish, he had it all out of love for me. I think he didn’t want to hurt me. He only said that it was not the right way to be cooked and that it could taste better.” She told me with little miserable attitude.
She wanted to tell him that she had cooked it with much care this time and she was sure that he will love it. I could read her thoughts.
All I told tell her was how to add the right spices in right amount.
One tea spoon of coriander powder
Half a tea spoon of chilli powder
Little of Turmeric
And lots of love.
She waited eagerly for the night to come. For him to come.
It was 10 minutes past 9o’clock. He slept gracefully in the closed room. Had she woked him up the silence of the house would break into a lot of 'No!'s
She didn't. Just like her sleeping emotions of love. The other side of love. The lusty love. She walked around picking the fallen pillows from the floor, putting them back on the bed.
Just a sign of love please. 'No!'. She slept without a smile.
Toe rings, her favorites ones were found under his pillows the next morning.
Under the White Pillows of love...
Lunch was kept untouched on the table. She sat lonely for some more time listening to her imagination.
“Last time I made him a curry of canned fish, he had it all out of love for me. I think he didn’t want to hurt me. He only said that it was not the right way to be cooked and that it could taste better.” She told me with little miserable attitude.
She wanted to tell him that she had cooked it with much care this time and she was sure that he will love it. I could read her thoughts.
All I told tell her was how to add the right spices in right amount.
One tea spoon of coriander powder
Half a tea spoon of chilli powder
Little of Turmeric
And lots of love.
She waited eagerly for the night to come. For him to come.
It was 10 minutes past 9o’clock. He slept gracefully in the closed room. Had she woked him up the silence of the house would break into a lot of 'No!'s
She didn't. Just like her sleeping emotions of love. The other side of love. The lusty love. She walked around picking the fallen pillows from the floor, putting them back on the bed.
Just a sign of love please. 'No!'. She slept without a smile.
Toe rings, her favorites ones were found under his pillows the next morning.
Under the White Pillows of love...
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