I died today

‘I cannot live like you. You live like a fish on land' was what you told me once. Long back! Remember?

You were correct. I was indeed a fish that was picked from the waters and dropped on the land. My world was snatched away from me. I was in a new world, beautiful and all that. But I could not breath. 

Then you came into my life and gave me a new place to live. You gave me everything. I was happy. I started breathing once again.

But today you should know, I DIED. You left me at the edge of a table, which you knew was half broken already. You told me ‘I will be right back honey’. You lied. You never returned. You forgot perhaps. I don’t know.

That’s when I DIED. Rather that’s when you let me DIE.

Amen.

22 years back....

.....on the same date as today, she was born.

She asked me to write a post.
And this, in the sweetest way I have ever known.
Just which could make anyone think over-
Was it indeed a post she asked for or was it a kiss?
Need say more?
How could I even deny?
I smile and accept thinking-
Guest role is all you give, but its lead role that I want.
Never mind!

Happy is what I want to make her.
And so here I am writing for her.

“Happy Birthday!”

Two important dates….

that I deliberately try to forget:

1) My mom’s wedding anniversary
2) My dad’s death anniversary

I confess

I confess:
I always try to escape,
I do lie.

I confess:
I am never guilty,
I never regret.

Or

I confess:
I always try to escape,
I am never guilty.

I confess:
I do lie,
I never regret.

I know I can never be professional.

Leave me alone

When you say you want to be lonely,
I know you want to be with me.

Only way

When every attempt of being close to her heart fails.
Forever!
The last thing you want to be is the locket on her chain.

For you on my birthday

Birthdays were never special until I met her. I wonder as I write this, doesn’t everyone have a birthday story. Would my story be a boring repeat? Never mind! What else on a day like today? I know it’s going to be hard for you to read. All I can do is make it as short as possible.

I was a simple, serious, boring, workaholic, humble, family loving, and no-dreams kind of person. You get the idea, don’t you? So it was in the summer of 2005 that I first saw her. I fell in love. Not with her, but with her hair, long, black, lustrous, beautiful hair. I was a guy who had no girl friends, no close friends and no love affairs. A lonely guy, I must say. The only girl I knew was the girl I was engaged to, that too for a period of two months. It was an engagement that was never meant to be and so didn’t stay long. Coming back to the longhaired beauty. She had something in her that made my heart beat faster every time I saw her. She had beautiful eyes that did almost always hide her shyness. I fell for her all the more. For the first time ever in my life, I experienced love.

I was quite an unromantic guy and I am sure she would have guessed it well in advance. She suggested we have a formal proposal day. And we did. A disaster! Forget!

Most of the time, we would be busy at work. You won’t believe, but that was the time we exchanged smiles and love glimpses. Her smile! Her lovely eyes! No words can describe it even today.

Love was in the air and we started celebrating all unimportant occasions in our lives. That, most importantly included my birthday. Until then, I had never celebrated my birthdays and had no plans to make it a special day. Why then that year, I had asked her. She made up an angry face, I remember, which immediately made me smile and agree. We left office early on my birthday. She had bought me a cake and I cut it; a little excited and a little puzzled. I hoped it was the right way to cut and the right way to celebrate one’s birthday.

To add to my excitement she had a gift too. An unwrapped one. A gift that I had, then, never thought of; a gift that in return took my soul with her; a gift that I wish I could forget today. And if not today at least for a moment.