Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Adieu to you my hopes

I often wonder if ‘goodbyes’ were meant to be forever. It is just another easy word to say if you don’t mean it. I never meant it too. And when I wanted to I did never use the word. Goodbye always happened without a second look or a last word to me.

I would count numbers to put off emotions and more often tears. That is nothing but a practice to control temper I know. But see that’s how differently it works out for different people. I was no different though. Tears deceived. Always! I have smiled sensibly when he told me how amazed he was to see my innocence.

He was good at mathematics. Probably is. I was not. I am not. So what? What does mathematics has to do with my innocence, I would ask with all the innocence to spare in me. It wouldn’t take long to see fat crystal drops in my eyes then. As sensitive I was like a new born baby’s transparent skin. Light pink and the green veins underneath it.

Goodbyes! Goodbyes! Goodbyes! I shouldn’t be moving out of the matter. But then that’s how it is isn’t it. We all have a lot to say. And so less of time. Only a life time! ‘Adieu to you my innocence’-Let that be a story for another day.

Three days back I bid goodbye to a hope I have been cherishing for years. A hope for a satisfying downpour. Was that too much to hope? That morning it drizzled temptingly, reminding me of the curse this land would never be free from. There is nothing better to believe anyway. All the deserts in the world the same!

That goodbye short lived. Did I mean it then? Once again it was cloudy early this morning. I felt myself hoping for something more than the usual, knowing a curse is a curse. And more than anything else knowing a belief is a belief, I hoped.

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