Thursday, August 23, 2007

Damned Birth

A cursed moment. The birth of a soul in the womb. A deliberate try without capsules.

Curses soon change into prayers. Prayers for forgiveness. To the far away Gods in the land of temples and coconut palms. I wonder did ever the two souls know that Hindu gods do not forgive. Flesh & senses enveloped the new born soul. A punishment that couldn’t be stopped. Like fate! Like life! Like everything else we think of!

She paced through 5 months of guilt and 4 months of hatred. Guilt for the mistake and hatred for the gender of the growing foetus.

It was clear that it rained that day, where the Gods celebrated. The day that inexplicable pain clutched her muscles. She cursed once again for the last time.

Following a lengthy attempt to push the pest out of herself, the bloody child fell into a filth called world. All ignored and yet healthy.

It rained heavier there, making the soil sink in contentment. There where celebration was at its peak. Immeasurable happiness that existed in the same soil. Only in that same soil. All lush & welcoming. The Gods too.

I was born!


Blessed by god. Cursed by all.

13 comments:

phoenix said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*HUGS*

everyone is special...no one deserves to feel bitter

Ashu said...

No one has the right of feeling cursed just for the gender. And if someone makes it feel, then no bigger sin than this.

Everyone is equal in GOD's eyes and its we lesser mortal souls that differentiate between a M & a F.

Damn those who damn Fs.

Girl, you are in a different league when you write. Words are less to tell you what I feel.

May be our souls touched each other again :-)

annie said...

What was this!!!!!!

Am out of words
And
Out of breath

- Will be back

A Liberated Soul said...

Phoenix: How sweet! Welcome here!

Ashu: So now you know words really are less :-)

Annie: Waiting!

KAYLEE said...

NICE BUT WHY DID YOU WRITE THAT???? nice blog...you are not cursed!!!!!!!!!!

annie said...

It rained heavily....and those were the showers of blessings. A creation of God is considered divine…something that is supramundane. So how can it be assailed upon.

You were God sent…and there is no bigger joy than that. Ask those who keep knocking at God’s doors to be blessed with even one child..that is agony, pain, guilt of having done something wrong in the past that they see this day.

A compromise with life is something that they do, not those who are blessed with a cradle for life. You are special to The Almighty if not others. Bask in the glory of that benediction.

A Liberated Soul said...

Kaylee: Loads of reality and a pinch of imagination. You like it right?

Annie: Not so serious dear! I like the way you have commented. We are all blessings of God in one or the other way. Right?

Nitin said...

Dude its awesome..can't stop reading it. Every time i read goes deep in to that...getting no words to express my feelings..

A Liberated Soul said...

For you Nitin:

Here I am talking about the emotions of a mother who is not expecting a pregnancy but ended up with one somehow. What u read is what the fetus thinks/feels about her parents-their helplessness/guilt etc. The mother is too late to realize about the already growing fetus in her womb that she knows that an abortion cannot be done. She is in a fix. All that she could do was carry it.

Why I say 'a deliberated try without capsules' is because all women know the consequences of unexpected pregnancy and yet some times they have the courage to take risk. So its definitely deliberate I would say!

First the child was cursed, then when the parents realized that they cannot get rid of it they started praying-Curses soon change into prayers'.

'It was clear that it rained that day' this is something connected with me. I love rain very much. Anyone who reads my blog will know it by now. I was born in the month of July when its rainy season in India. So I simply thought the Gods were celebrating. Fair enough, don't you think?

'It rained heavier there, making the soil sink in contentment. There where celebration was at its peak.' 'There' because the baby was born in a different place. So the celebration was in the land of temples and coconut palms. Far away!

'All lush and welcoming' because I have felt so every time I visit my place (hometown).

The rest I assume you understood. See, this post is 1% of truth and 99 % of imagination. Not only this many of my posts are and some do not even have the 1% of fact. In real I was not cursed by anyone. I was born into a happy family. But there is some things like unexpected pregnancy and my gender being expected to be the opposite etc that are facts.

I just tried to interlink a lot of my feelings with how it would have been if I was born to parents who disliked my birth. Etc Etc..And I have always found it challenging to write about what is not there in real. A lot of people have taken my posts seriously (Read: My suicide note)and gone to an extent in advising me how to live life happily. Because they think I am not happy. Because I write sad posts :)

Nitin said...

will read it @ home ...don't want to loose the essence....now.. will be back....

Nitin said...

Lib its nobodies fault, if they had taken it in other way..it is written so beautifully...one thing i have to admit..that to understand even 20%-25% of your posting one ( read it I) has to read it atleast thrice..and then its the strength of ones imagination....
coming back on this post.. I have read it first time abt one and half months back, after reading it for first time ( generally first time when we read we are in hurry to complete it and try to get the essence) I thot u r talking abt female foeticide .. but when I read it again .. i went in deep.. and that day i have read it many times.. thats why I hv commented that way and waited for u r reply so that I can understand how much I hv really understood. finally I got the answer today.....
It was the last para " It rained heavier there...." which I was unable to understand...

I got the power of ur imagination, thats why while commenting on your post Rain A memory I didn't ask how its possible ......
"I would go to the pond for a shower..... "

on ".....I simply thought the Gods were celebrating..."
offcourse they were... coz even the day when lord krishna (Dvine...) borned it was raining.... .. but the day I born there was no rain ... :(

Nitin said...

And did i forgot to mention that.. I will be bothering you whenever I have doubt....

Nitin said...

I guess I have written last comment more authoritively then I have.. read it like "I will ask u .........if u permit me..." :)