...to find out if I would miss you? Or to see if I would cry? Or to laugh at my broken wings? Or to hurt my healing wounds? Or was it to kill the lover in me? Tell me.
Why was there even a doubt, when it was apparent that I am the lover among us and not you and that I will no doubt miss you and cry a river and fly no more and bleed till I fall weak but that was not enough and you wanted to kill the lover in me for your what ever selfish reason.
And I don’t know yet if the lover has died.
Now the other world will be only a dream for you. You will see a dream once in a while about an intense love, drug cigarettes and some slow guitar. You will remember me and want me. All this will bring you here. Right here to my blog.
You will search for yourself here and I know I will see a desperate man then. A man whom I know never wanted light but nights. Nights when we smoked more love than drugs. Kisses that gave the taste of blood. Each other’s blood. A love like raw.
When you are tired and about to leave I will come to liberate you. By then I am sure you won’t wait or want me. You will just want to get back to living life. And not a dream.
Because I am a dream. In past, present and future.
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never never-land
The only reason why you love me, well loved me, was perhaps the shameless honesty I maintained between us. It was almost like being naked. Talking naked? The point is, yes I wanted you to go away and all that. That was when you were madly in love with me. I hated it. But I knew I would be desperate once you go. Forever only, mind you! Yes, we are indeed talking about forever going away. So I am desperate now.
Why don’t you love me? Madly?
Why don’t you tell me it’s killing you when I avoid you?
Why don’t you sing me Blunt’s ‘Your beautiful’?
Okay, fine. I will let you touch my feet because you like the color of my nail paint. I won’t say ‘no’ this time.
I will even let you smell the perfume on my neck. I won’t say ‘no’.
I promise. I wont.
Only if you stay where you are maybe. I don’t know. You have gone forever haven’t you?
I was feeling very uneasy last night. A new dark and still bedroom, a small flickering candle on the bedside, I shifted sides feeling uncomfortable. The candle was it that made me feel so uneasy.
I don’t like flickering candles. And in anyway how was it flickering when the windows were closed. The room was silent and still. There was no moving air. Then? The candle simply resembled my mind. I thought. And that is why I guess I don’t like flickering candles. The fact that it was reminding me about my unsteady mind made me lose my little sleep of the night.
