Monday, February 16, 2009

Finding refuge

Last night I cried. If you ask why I just wish I had one word answer to it. Something like ‘you’. I just wish. Just to blame you. But it isn’t just about you. I cried because you seem to know everything about me. You tend to predict my thoughts and actions. Whatever, I don’t like it. I don’t like it when you are this way with me. The feeling of vulnerability kills me. No! It tears me into pieces many.

I cried last night till the lumps in my throat gave way for hiccups. When I cry a lot I get hiccups. You didn’t know this about me right? And it goes on for hours. Very embarrassing.

I listened to music, it didn’t help. I tried to continue reading the current book, it didn’t help. I hugged a pillow, it didn’t help. I sobbed through the night drinking water to stop the hiccups. I sobbed and sobbed. I sobbed because I felt guilty. Guilty of finding refuge in a stranger.

Finding refuge in you.

10 comments:

Sands | കരിങ്കല്ല് said...

It is strange.. to be smiling when I read about you crying! But the fact is that I did/do smile. :) :)

Njan.

PS: Eating sugar helps with hiccups! - try that the next time. :)

I Walk Alone!!! said...

Hmmmm i dont know why you feel sad to take refuge in a stranger... but i can surely suggest a way to get rid of hiccups though... now that you would know the solution... this wont work for you... but try this on someone else and you would see the magic... when someone is getting hiccups... just say something or do something that will scare the shit out of the person... and you would be surprised... the hiccups would be gone :P

come one dont just start laughing... its real... give it a try whenever you get a chance :)

mrniiiceguy said...

@Soul … Guilt is an acknowledgement of wrong doing … How can finding refuge or seeking refuge in a stranger create guilt … Is it the past, present or the future that you are guilty of ?

@Sands … I did read your recommendation #172 of Pascals Pensees … where do you dig up such stuff from … either you live amidst them or are one of them … jk … I did spend some time understanding them, but it requires some dedicated time and pretty serious reading … my kutti manda has its own limitations … I liked the read … Thanks !!!

Liberated Soul said...

Sands, :(

Shekar, I will try this on someone.

MrNiceheartbeaps, no comments.

asha said...

sometimes strangers might know much more than a "friend" can(cos they might have been thru the same or they have the ability to understand people)..when you find someone who can understand you then naturally you will like him..and what is wrong in taking refuge in a person who can understand you..??that person is no longer a stranger to you.. :)


Hiccups : After a long time i got hiccups yesterday..I was thinking why I am getting that..But after reading this I think the reason is that i laughed a lot..I am not joking..Yesterday fom 8.45 PM I started laughing and it ended up with 10 min continuos laughter(Kalaasakottu) :)Need to do a research on this..

Sands | കരിങ്കല്ല് said...

why sad smiley? :(

A Liberated Soul said...

Asha, laughing also gets me hiccups :)

Sands, because you always smile. Fine! But even when I cry?

Sands | കരിങ്കല്ല് said...

Well.. wasn't I trying to share my joy to you so that your sorrow disappears! ;)

Srishti Padathiyaar said...

Did you read my mind?

Or

Do watch me at night?

Or

Is it that we both cried???!!!

I'm surprised once again dear...

A Liberated Soul said...

Sands, not really! Hmph!

Srishti, :) We know it all!