Last night I cried. If you ask why I just wish I had one word answer to it. Something like ‘you’. I just wish. Just to blame you. But it isn’t just about you. I cried because you seem to know everything about me. You tend to predict my thoughts and actions. Whatever, I don’t like it. I don’t like it when you are this way with me. The feeling of vulnerability kills me. No! It tears me into pieces many.
I cried last night till the lumps in my throat gave way for hiccups. When I cry a lot I get hiccups. You didn’t know this about me right? And it goes on for hours. Very embarrassing.
I listened to music, it didn’t help. I tried to continue reading the current book, it didn’t help. I hugged a pillow, it didn’t help. I sobbed through the night drinking water to stop the hiccups. I sobbed and sobbed. I sobbed because I felt guilty. Guilty of finding refuge in a stranger.
…when I first heard your voice. You don’t believe me?! I knew you wouldn’t. I was not sure if it was raining at your side. But it was raining on this side. It was raining in my heart. Your voice and the rain - a heavenly blend. I drifted into a world of imaginations where I saw a day that will never come. A day when I will meet you. A day when only you will speak and I will listen. A day for me to quench my thirst for your voice. I would kiss your adam’s apple, move up to your sharp jaw line and then to your lips feeling you with closed eyes. Your words, I want them virgin. I want to swallow every word that you utter. Suck it with my mouth if you utter none. A day when our bodies won’t touch but will only our lips. A day that will never come.
Sing me a song of rain tonight Whisper me a poem of love Let me sleep with a dream tonight A dream of a day that will come…
Note: This is about a passion or more of an obsession for a voice that I listen to that is so striking and soothing. Though the feelings in this post is described as a physical way of absorbing the goodness of the voice that I am in love with, let me tell you, it is purely a psychological thing. Like this one, where it is the opposite.
Why did you have to be the most selfish person I had met? It could have been anyone else. But no! It’s only you. And I can’t find anyone like you. Anyone as selfish as you. The more I loved you, the more selfless I became. Perhaps that is why I now feel I will need a lifetime to hate you.
There isn’t much about me, if you were thinking of knowing me better. Just a little here and there, which I try to put through in some of my posts. But if you insist in knowing me then let me tell you not everything about me is as beautiful as you imagine.
First being, I like to be rude. I could be rude with you too. Why do you think I need help? You like my writing, you like my love for rain, you like the way I reply to your questions in questions and still you think I am problematic? A problem woman! Don’t I look like an interesting woman to you? An interesting woman?
See, I told you. I could be rude with you. I could still be. How can you help me anyway? I was born like this. I was born in two different worlds. One where I live alone and the other where you live & others. You can help me? You think so? But you know what I thought? I thought you were one like me. Living in two worlds. I thought we could understand each other. But you are not. You want to know me better to help me.
You there? Gone? I was just scaring you. It was an example.
The second being, I could be irritating too. After the rude part, I could be a little puppy licking your face all over. I might irritate you with my endless sorries, sloppy kisses and uncomfortably tight hugs. You might want to push me away, but I will stick to you. Literally! Like glue.